Disclaimer: This is another personal essay I wrote for my college course on storytelling. It’s in a little more different format than my other blog posts and touches some more personal topics (that I am comfortable sharing). I’m sorry for doing two of these in a row, but I have been busy adjusting to online classes. Plus, I figured it would be good to share this to give people a better insight of who I am personally (plus I got an A on it, so you know it must be good). Enjoy!
Judgement day is at hand. New York is under attack, the citizens are in peril, and among all the rubble stands a small group of heroes prepared to take on an alien army. All of this is filmed using one circle shot in Marvel’s cinematic hit, The Avengers. It captured more than just the scene of destruction; it captured my interest in the Action-Superhero genre.
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Superheroes have played a major role in my upbringing. When I was nine years old, I received a Batman video game as a Christmas present from my parents. I had watched videos online of people playing the game and begged my parents for it. The hours I put into that game bring me nostalgia to this day. There was no better feeling than finding the Joker cackling away in his lair and using Batman’s fists to bring justice to the people of Gotham. Playing Batman video games gave me the sensation of being the hero. I was the vengeance, I was the night, I was Batman!
As I grew older, my interest in superheroes started to expand beyond Batman. It was at a sleepover for my best friends’ birthday when I was introduced to the Marvel cinematic universe, my ultimate addiction. His dad took us out to see Captain America: The First Avenger in theaters.
The experience of seeing Superheroes on the big screen was much different than playing as one on the small screen. Captain America was a real person to me. More than just beating up villains, Captain America had a personality: he had personal ambitions, flaws, a backstory. He was no longer just a man in a colorful suit fighting for justice, he was a human being. The boundary between fiction and reality became indistinguishable to me. It was like I was sitting right next to him.
As soon as that sleepover ended, I made sure to catch up on all the Marvel movies and see the new ones in theaters at my earliest convenience. I would get into long conversations with my friends about the movies, which would lead to an argument every once in a while. There were times in school when I would daydream about my favorite scenes instead of solving equations for x. I had Marvel on my mind all the time.
When watching Marvel movies, each character has at least one trait that I can relate to on a personal level. Similar to Captain America, I have a strong desire to look after and protect my loved ones at all costs. Similar to Thor, I have a lot of determination and confidence that can also lead to my downfall. Similar to Iron Man, I have an attitude in life that is a blend of narcissism and compassion.
But between me and every protagonist in the Marvel movies, we all share the same unfortunate characteristic: we are all outcasts. Loners, oddballs, the people that are isolated and forgotten about in society. We’re not bad people by any stretch of the word, but our unique talents and abilities work simultaneously as obstacles for people to become close with us.
For most of my life, I've been somewhat of a social oddity. As a young boy, it was mostly due to my shyness around new people. I couldn’t socialize or talk with other people because I didn’t know how. I wanted to eat lunch with the other kids, talk to them, play tag with them on the playground.
I remember my Kindergarten photo. I was at one of the ends near one of the teachers, there was a small gap between me and the other students. That’s not to say I was a complete loner. There were times when I made friends that would do those activities with me. It was never a guarantee though, I had to go through each day wondering if the person I played with in the sandbox today would even acknowledge my existence tomorrow.
As time went on, I was able to come out of my shell and leave behind my shy insecurities. It wasn’t easy. It took a lot of practice in social situations along with a couple visits with a therapist to transform into an extrovert. Through that process, I was able to develop my own personality that I still hold to today. I am kind, I do everything I can to better the lives of myself and the people around me. I am quirky, I have a sense of humor and demeanor that is strange and unlike anyone else I have ever met. I am smart, I like to do puzzles and think about the world on different levels from everyone else. I am Mattman.
But through the development of myself, I was being pushed farther and farther away from social acceptance by others. I became too different from other people. People didn’t want to hang around or talk with me because I was weird. I was starting to lose control of the problem, it became less about my inability to socialize and more of how other people saw me. I was an unwanted outcast. It didn’t feel like anyone could see the world from my Chesterfield single-vision-lense view.
When I watched those Marvel movies, I realized how far from the truth this was. Even Superheroes, the guys who saved the world on a daily basis, were treated differently by society. The Hulk’s raging powers forced him to live in a swamp in an effort to avoid destroying cities. Thor’s overconfidence led him to get kicked out of Asgard. Even Iron Man, the genius billionaire playboy philanthropist, was an outcast. Despite surrounding himself with all of these people, he started out with no real friends, alone in his Malibu mansion.
With great power comes great acceptance. Sometimes people will treat you differently because of your unique qualities. But that doesn’t mean you can’t put these traits to good use. The Marvel Superheroes don’t sulk on their abilities making them outcasts, they use them to fight evil and protect the world from impending doom. Who you are can’t stop you from being your best self.
Your unique qualities can be your best qualities if you learn how to use them properly. For myself, I’ve learned to use my compassion and quirkiness to better the world around me through community service and random acts of kindness. I embrace my ability to think on different levels than others and put this gift towards my education. And now that I am in college, people are starting to recognize these unique traits as reasons to be around me. I’m finally getting the time and joy of friendships that I’ve longed for. I may still struggle to accept my distinctive traits, but I wouldn’t give them up for all the infinity stones in the world.
Until we reach the endgame, stay Mattastic!
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